Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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