Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
