getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
