He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
