so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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