I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
