We won't sleep together?
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
