Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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