I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
