normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
