he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
