Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
