You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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