No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
