if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
