just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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