it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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