i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
