wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
