At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
