There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
