Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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