I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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