I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
