I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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