I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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