Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
