so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
