I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
