My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
