If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
