And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
