Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
