There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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