Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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