I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
