If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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