i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
