Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
