38 yer olds are good kisserssss
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
