i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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