I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
