I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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