I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
