My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
smell my finger.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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