If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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