This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
