Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
