im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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