It's Friday. Sex?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
