Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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