is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
