Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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